I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
