Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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