We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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