My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
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gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
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And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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