Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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