You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
