I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
