I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
