At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
She has the best kind of daddy issues
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
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