Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
