you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
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