Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
