She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Couch. On fire.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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