Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
be right there i have to get my cape
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize