Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
