dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Idk if I want to put a bra on
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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