smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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