Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
