Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
