I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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