You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
