can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
