what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I stole a fireplace last night.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
