yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize