Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
May the power of my ass compel you!!
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
