awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I need to calm my uterus...
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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