dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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