Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
