I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
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We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
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They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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