Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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