so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
