i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
