I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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