Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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