i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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