Where are you?
In a non slutty way
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
