Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
