He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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