Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
