Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
