so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
