p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
