So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
