Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
