there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
