she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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