my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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