so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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