Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Someone came in the potted fern
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
