The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
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they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
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So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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