just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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