we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
