So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
