Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Randomize
