We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
