.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
