Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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