By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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