Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Randomize
