i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
