So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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