if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
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and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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