How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
