He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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