Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
