she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
