Farmville is her only friend.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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