Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
It's not a walk of shame if you run
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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